Having sex in the car is not easy. Space confinement and the risk of being caught make it pretty tricky. Contrastingly, those are the things that make it pretty exciting too. There’s something about the “couldn’t wait until we’re behind closed doors” sense of urgency that makes it pretty irresistible. And if you’re going to do it, do it right. Here’s a list of ten of the sexiest cars both old and new, as well as some position suggestions to partake in some “Karma Sutra.”
1. 2013 SRT Viper GTS
In addition to giving your car a stylish edge, and improving its power to weight ratio by lowering the car’s weight and increasing your car’s power, it’s sleek carbon fiber hood is perfect for the “Wheelbarrow” position.
How to do it: The woman lies face down on the hood, while the man lifts her lower body so that only her torso rests on the hood as enters her from behind.
*Bonus tip: This vehicle’s engine is now slightly offset toward the passenger side to keep side-to-side weight distribution more balanced with just a driver aboard. So be sure to slide slightly to the left to feel all of that V-10 engine purr.
2. 2013 Mercedes-Benz GLK250 BlueTec
This luxury crossover provides plenty of head and legroom which is a bonus for any vehicular sexual position. Additionally, Benz says the drivetrain has been tweaked to minimize noise, vibration, and harshness. What I call the “Passenger Penetration Position” seemed ideal for this car.
How to do it: Recline the seat as far as it can go. Have the woman face the backseat as the man penetrates her in a quasi-doggy style position.
*Bonus Tip: Make sure your penetration takes place in the passenger seat and not the driver’s side. The Benz quiet benefits won’t payoff for your discretion if you kick the horn in the heat of the moment.
3. 2013 Subaru Outback
The “EyeSight” is a driver-assistance system that acts as a second pair of eyes for the driver. It uses stereoscopic cameras mounted above the rearview mirror to determine the distance to a car or a pedestrian ahead. This feature is especially handy when attempting to pull off the “2 Passenger All-Fun-Drive.”
How to do it: She sits on his unfastened lap and rides while she drives. She steers while he controls the gas and brake. He controls the speed of the vehicle, while she determines the speed of the sexual ride.
*Bonus Tip: Be careful to chose a road that you’re familiar with, and is not heavily traveled. The least amount of turns the better. The wheel is in her hands so make sure the height of her pleasure doesn’t take place on a turn.
4. 2013 Mercedes SL65
I can’t imagine that it’s very hard to sell a convertible. Enhancing summer experiences since their debut, drop tops make a good experience great. One of those experiences being what I like to call the “Drop Top, Top Drop.” It’s the perfect way to reward Mercedes for their convertible revitalization when they introduced us to retractable hardtop convertibles in 1996 with the SLK Roadster, and their further expansions on this invention with great style and high performance with the SL65. Any other time you may consider missionary a bit mundane. But after feeling inspired by this car’s top slipping neatly out of sight, it’s not so far fetched that a lady can feel inspired to do the same. If that happens, you will want to seize the moment in the everything-but-ordinary “Mercedes Missionary.”
How to do it: He climbs on top of her using the floorboards to maintain a stance adequate for thrusting in the missionary position.
5. 2013 Lexus ES 300h Hybrid
One of the upgrades of the newest model of the first-ever-gas-electric ES is it’s extra space in the backseat. 0.6 inches of legroom, and 2.8 inches of additional kneeroom compared to the previous generation. To make use of this bonus space I suggest the “Backseat Back Up.”
How to do it: He straddles the middle console facing the rear placing a knee in each of the front seats, she also faces the rear and backs into him.
*Bonus Tip: With standard 10 airbags, including driver and front-passenger knee airbags with optional safety options like a blind-spot monitor with rear cross-traffic alert; lane departure warning; and a radar-based pre-collision system the ES is playing it safe, but it can’t ensure safe sex. That’s up to you.
6. 1957 Cadillac DeVille
What better way to pay homage to a car with Dagmars, so called for it’s voluptuous curves like 50′s television star Virginia Egnor, who showed off her 42″-23″-39″ measurements in low cut gowns as “Dagmar” on the popular 50′s Broadway Open House than to choose a position that gives you easy access to this classic’s inspiration, your lady’s curvaceous bust. The “Cadillac Cowgirl” does just that.
How to do it: Shift over to the passenger seat again to avoid that pesky horn. She climbs on top of him in the cowgirl position and rides you both to ecstasy.
*Bonus Tip: Be mindful of the parking brake, it’s far more catastrophic for that to be disengaged than an accidental honking of the horn
7. 1969 Ford Mustang Fastback
This first generation Mustang’s redesign included a larger body in addition to a wider grille and overall more aggressive stance. Not to be outdone by this cars valorous statement I recommend a more complex position. You may have already predicted this selection by the year of choice. “69 in a 69”
How to do it: Push the passenger seat back as far as it can go, but don’t recline the seat. He’ll be seated towards the edge, while she places her hands on the floorboards and wraps her thighs around his neck.
*Bonus Tip: This is not for the weak. Make sure she’s got plenty of bicep and tricep strength. Might i remind you what she’s got in her mouth? Hold on to her tight!
8. 1952 MG TD
Featured in the 1952 Sci-Fi comedy Monkey Business with greats like Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant this classic screams Hollywood Glam. If only it were as spacious as it is elegant. Luckily it has a long hood perfect for the “Hollywood Hook-up”
How to do it: She lies on top of the hood on her back with her legs up, he stands before her holding onto her backside to control the depth and rhythm of penetration.
*Bonus Tip: These sexual ventures that take place outside of the car are especially risky. With you being outside of the vehicle there’s nothing to muffle those moans or protect you from being caught. Choose your location wisely.
9. 1959 Chevy Impala
The second generation Impala’s had several revisions including a growth in size.
The Impala, whose name was obtained from the large South African antelope which was has been described by the Greek as “very savage, and hard to catch” It seemed fitting to choose a position as wild and untamed as this classic’s namesake, the “Rear Seat Rear Entry.”
How to do it: Both parties hop in the backseat. She goes on all fours with her hands placed on the side window. He hunches over her entering from behind.
*Bonus Tip: Fogged windows are a dead give away that someone is getting busy in a car. Crack the front window for one less tip-off to lower your chances of getting caught.
10. 1963 Cadillac Series 62 Convertible
Even a non-film enthusiast has heard of Scarface. Legendary fictional character Tony Montana played by Al Pacino (in the more popular 1983 remake) is the epitome of rags to riches. You may not be a filthy rich kingpin, but you can certainly feel like one if you’ve got the misses servicing you in the front seat of this seventh generation convertible featured in the motion picture.
How to do it: She leans over and tongue kisses the package that has been removed from his pants.
*Bonus Tip: this classic has a front bench seat making this position extremely comfortable for her. But he cannot afford to get overly comfortable, it’s important to keep your eyes on the road.
A few extra tips:
Rug burns don’t hold a candle to leather burns. Put something down like a towel or maybe even a removed article of clothing before any friction can come into play.
Another good reason to lie a towel down is to prevent stains from happening in vehicles with cloth seats. However, in the event that you somehow end up with proof of your indiscretion on your seats, seltzer water can remove it. If a lot of time has lapsed between when the incident occurs and when you noticed the stain, baking soda and warm water should do the trick.
I know heels are sexy, but punctures in your seats are not. It’s best to remove shoes before beginning the fun.
Remember to push the front seats forward for any positions taking place in the backseat to provide optimum space.
This next tip requires some forethought, but if you’re aware you may be getting some fun roadside assistance wear clothes for easy access.
While it may be alluring to let that bass boom through the speakers, remember that loud music does draw attention to you, thus increasing your chances of getting caught.
Overall, whenever possible park someplace shrouded in greenery, or up in the mountains, find a secluded campsite, go out on an especially foggy or misty night. I cannot stress enough that you will want to be as removed from civilization as you can. Essentially, find the most remote place you can imagine.
If you must stay within city limits, stay at least 1,000 feet away from schools. If you unfortunately find yourselves caught, you want to eliminate your chances of possibly registering as a sex offender.
Happy Riding!
That Lexus position sounds like a winner !!